Jokes

[themayneman]

Q. What did the snail say when he was riding on the tortoise's back?

A. Wheeeeeeeeee!

[themayneman]

Q What would you call the result, if a Tortoise mated with a terrapin?

A I dont know either, but it would probably be a turtle disaster!.

[themayneman]

A young man with a reputation for being slow couldn't keep a job. He was finally hired to work at the local zoo. The keeper knew the young man's nature and told him to take care of the tortoises.

When the keeper checked on the tortoises, he found the young man staring at an open gate. There was not a tortoise to be seen.

"Where are the tortoises?" he asked.

"I can't believe it," said the village idiot. "I opened the door and zoom, they were gone!"

[themayneman]

A little boy came home from Sunday School and told his mother that he had learned The Prairie Tortoise Prayer.

She didn't want to admit that she didn't have any idea what he was talking about, so she spent the week reading her Bible and asking friends about it. No one could help her.

She decided to go to church and ask the pastor. During the service she got her answer when he said, "Let us pray the prayer he taught us. Our father, who art in..."

[themayneman]

One day a lion wakes up in a bad mood and summons the other animals in the jungle.

"I want each of you to tell a joke, but I warn you that if anyone of you fails to laugh, I'll kill the one who told it. Let's see, monkey, you will be first."

Shaking with fear the monkey begins, "Two men are in the street and..."

When he finishes, everyone bursts out laughing save the tortoise. "The tortoise didn't laugh!" roars the lion, pouncing on the monkey and ripping him to pieces. Then he orders, "Elephant, you're next."

Cursing through clenched teeth, the elephant begins, "A drunk walks into a bar and..."

When he finishes, all the animals split their sides laughing except the tortoise, who remains impassive. "The tortoise didn't think it was funny!" exclaimed the lion who, seeing that the furious elephant is about to step on the tortoise, kills the elephant with his claws.

By now, everyone wants to murder the tortoise, but nobody dares move. "Now it's your turn, tiger," orders the lion.

The scared tiger begins, "They say that Little Red Riding Hood..."

At that moment, the tortoise falls over laughing. "What's with you?" bellows the lion. "Tiger hasn't finished yet..."

To which the tortoise replies, "The monkey's joke is hilarious!"

[themayneman]

There once was a baby elephant and a baby turtle drinking from a river deep in the jungle. For no reason, the turtle reaches over and bites the elephant's tail, really hard.

Years and years later, the same elephant, now grown up, is by the same river, having a drink with his giraffe buddy, when the same turtle that bit him on the tail all those years ago wanders up to the river.

The elephant rears back a leg and kicks the turtle as hard as he can, sending him flying way off into the jungle. "Why did you do that?" the giraffe asks. "When we both were babies, that turtle bit my tail for no reason," the elephant replied.

"Wow! You must have a good memory!" exclaimed the giraffe.

"Yep!" said the elephant. "I've got Turtle-Recall !!!!!!!"

[themayneman]

Why is Turtle Wax so expensive?

Because turtles have such tiny ears.

[Marly]

Gary, you've gone posting mad

[EquestrianBabe]

Gary, you need to visit a doctor!