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Old 28-12-2011, 12:19 AM   #11
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Oh thats such a sad situation for all concerned I would definately contact his GP depression does sound like a possibility... the water for his teeth is a worry that will grow pseudomonas!!! not a nice bug to get especially if he develops a chest infection. I know you dont want to take sides is your mum in good health? parents what a worry my heart goes out to you xx I ll seek some advice the doctor wont be able to tell you anything regarding your dad because of confidentiality but you could put him in the picture especially about his clothes and the skin does your dad take any steriods?
xx
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Old 28-12-2011, 01:06 AM   #12
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My mum is in very good health, she takes statins too but that's all. Dad doesn't take steroids, no.

I will see if I can speak to his GP and also find out what the council can do for the housing situation. I'll have to speak to my sister too, she lives closer than me, in the same town, so she may be able to help easier than me. But she has health problems, having just come out of hospital for knee surgery.

Parents eh, who'd have em? Can't live with them wouldn't be alive without them.
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Old 28-12-2011, 01:08 AM   #13
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leave it with me I '' see what i can find out chin up
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Old 28-12-2011, 01:10 AM   #14
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I'm really sorry to hear this. I don't think it's uncommon for people to just let themselves go when they become depressed. However I'd be surprised if your dad didn't put up resistance if the SS or any other professional dept got involved.
Clearly neither of them can continue as they are but it's a difficult one to solve. I hope you get some positive feedback from your enquiries. I do sympathise as I care for my dad. I moved my parents in three doors away last year. It's not always easy but the roles certainly switch as our parents age and the responsibility can weigh very heavily on your shoulders.
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Old 28-12-2011, 04:14 AM   #15
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I too am sure the council will rehouse your dad if you explained the situation. SS may help with meals on wheels. It's worth inquiring.
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Old 28-12-2011, 09:28 AM   #16
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with the council housing like it is I doubt very much that they move just one parent out if the house they are in is ie a 2 bed, both would probably need to move somewhere smaller. My parents are very similar to yours in that neither cares about the other and live separate lives but still in the same house, its very sad when that happens but people of that age seem to have a different attitude to the younger. They married for life and thats how they stay, my parents would have been much better off separating years ago but neither would have considered it, the latest incident is that the tv packed up a couple of weeks before xmas. Mum wants a new one, dad wants to wait untill the sales, neither will pay by themselves so they will go without rather than compromise, they cant get around the shops by themselves yet won't let anyone take them. The advert on the tv about the elderly spending xmas on their own really annoys me when you have parents that don't want you around and won't go to anyones for xmas, they seem to almost enjoy being miserable together. Anyway if I was you I'd talk to your mum before getting in touch with anyone, if you can, as like I said she may have to move to a smaller place as well, the authoritys are trying to get people who have a spare bedroom into smaller places and wouldn't need much excuse, they've asked my parents before but at the moment asking is all they can do. You also have to bear in mind it might be some sort of warden controled or carehome not a independant flat it certainly wouldn't be two houses. You should also be able to speak to your fathers doctor if you are his daughter and have concerns I have spoken to my mum's several times by phone as like you we live a long way away and I had no problems I have also spoken to my mum's bank for her so it is possible to do so, to be honest though he can't smell that bad or else your mum would have noticed as she has to live with him. I think they'd also have to pay for home help or similar and if he did move into somewhere else he'd have to pay for that out of any savings etc there's a lot to think about before informing the social of any problems, its best to try to do something yourself first maybe with your mum's help.

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Old 28-12-2011, 10:45 AM   #17
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Well you have had some very helpful advice so far. I do think you need to have a chat with your mum before doing anything. You say she is 71 years, so she is still quite young and should be able to help with any organisation of your father. It is a very difficult decision for you but there is not alot you can do unless they both agree to you helping. You cannot go against their wishes. I know, my husband and I have been there with both lots of parents until their passing and it is a heart breaking time. Is it possible for you and your sister to chat with them. It should not be you alone who has to carry this burden.

Kent S.S. is pretty good compared with other areas in the country, so you might get some help with day care for your father. Even Age Concern might be able to offer one day aweek. Have a chat with your dad first and see if he would like some other company, plenty chat goes on at Age Concern! They could come and fetch him as well. They can even provide baths!
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Old 28-12-2011, 02:49 PM   #18
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I also think that if your parents are married and still mentally fine then I doubt you could over ride their wishes, your mum would have to give permission for your dad and he for himself. I can only help my parents if they want it as they are both mentally fine just blooming akward.
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Old 28-12-2011, 07:15 PM   #19
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Have you managed to make any enquiries today Wendy? How's it going?
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Old 28-12-2011, 07:39 PM   #20
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Quote:
Originally Posted by emma_mcraf View Post
Have you managed to make any enquiries today Wendy? How's it going?
Not had time to do anything today, 2 doctors appointments, one for my 17 year old daughter, who was diagnosed with Asthma again (she "grew out of it" as a child) and one for me as my previous op has failed.

I am waiting for TDB to let me know what he/she found out (what is your name?) and my sister is staying with her son until after the new year and I wanted to have a chat with her before I do anything.
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