River Tours

graham & tammy & tammy's other half

you have cheered up my evening

[tamsintd]

glad we are keeping you happy Linda!

[niamherrity]

The two of you are so funny

[Henry-flash]

I don't know about funny niamh, but there is certainly something seriously wrong with this lot

[egyptiandan64]

The Three Little Pigs


Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night. The waiter came and took their drink order.

"I would like a Sprite," said the first little piggy.

"I would like a Coke," said the second little piggy.

"I want beer, lots and lots of beer," said the third little piggy.

The drinks were brought out and the waiter took their orders for dinner.

"I want a nice big steak," said the first piggy.

"I would like the salad plate," said the second piggy.

"I want beer, lots and lots of beer," said the third little piggy.

The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter approached the table and asked if the piggies would like any dessert.

"I want a banana split," said the first piggy.

"I want a cheesecake," said the second piggy.

"I want beer, lots and lots of beer," exclaimed the third little piggy.

"Pardon me for asking," said the waiter to the third little piggy,"


But why have you only ordered beer all evening?"



You're gonna LOVE me for this....



The third piggy says -



"Well, somebody has to go wee, wee, wee all the way home!


Danny

[Henry-flash]

Oh dear

[Becks]

Three friends had a good friend named Joe and he was, naturally, an eternal optimist. At every bad situation he would always say ''It could have been worse.'' His friends hated that quality about him, so they came up with a story so horrible that not even Joe could come up with a bright side.
So the next day, only two of his friends showed up for a golf date.

Joe asked, ''Where's Gary?''

And one of his friends said, ''Didn't you hear? Yesterday, Gary found his wife in bed with another man, shot them both, and then turned the gun on himself.''

Joe says,''Well it could have been worse.''

Both his friends said, ''How in hell could it be worse? Your best friend just killed himself!''

Joe says, ''If it had happened two days ago, I'd be dead now!''

[Becks]

A man runs into the vet's office carrying his dog, screaming for help. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him put his dog down on the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body and after a few moments tells the man that his dog, regrettably, is dead. The man, clearly agitated and not willing to accept this, demands a second opinion.
The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat and puts the cat down next to the dog's body. The cat sniffs the body, walks from head to tail poking and sniffing the dog's body and finally looks at the vet and meows. The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead too."

The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead.

The vet brings in a black Labrador. The lab sniffs the body, walks from head to tail, and finally looks at the vet and barks. The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is dead too."

The man, finally resigned to the diagnosis, thanks the vet and asks how much he owes. The vet answers, "$650."

"$650 to tell me my dog is dead?" exclaimed the man....

"Well," the vet replies, "I would only have charged you $50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional $600 was for the cat scan and lab tests."

[Graham]

Three surgeons meet at a conference in Florida and are sitting in the bar telling stories about their careers, each trying to outdo the others.
The first one says "A few years back I had a patient, he was a pianist, and he lost all his fingers in a horrible lawnmower accident. Well they brought him to me and I managed to stitch them all back on again, and would you believe he's now one of the greatest concert pianists in the world?"
So the second one says "Well that's not bad, but ten years ago I had a patient who lost his legs and arms in a car crash, I operated on him and I managed to re-attach the limbs, fixed them up just like new, and after several years of rehab that man won a gold medal at the olympics in the decathlon, pretty impressive I think you'll agree?"
"Well I guess that's fairly impressive" says the third surgeon, "but not as impressive as my most successful case. Twenty years ago I was working in the ER when they brought in a patient one night, he'd been out riding his horse blind drunk, rode along the railway lines and into a tunnel and got hit by a freight train head-on. All they managed to find was a horse's ass and a cowboy hat, but I operated anyway, and would you believe that today that man is President of the United States of America!"

[Henry-flash]

Please guys these bad jokes are killing me