Very Sad

[Bindi]

I had a shock text from my sister in law this morning, she and my brother have decided to separate. They have been together about 15 years. I am gutted, she is such a lovely girl and has stood by my brother through thick and thin. I don't think there is anyone else involved, and there are no children but I cannot imagine what she is going through. I rang her as soon as I got the text and she is devastated, she has given him the best years of her life. I just don't know what to say or do to make it better.

Sorry to offload, I know there are no answers but I just feel so incredibly sad about it

[JoesMum]

Poor you

Do make it clear that it's your brother she's fallen out with, not you. Christmas and birthday cards still get sent. After all this time, you can't just ditch her as a friend.

My sister and her husband of 20 years parted company last year after 20 years of marriage and my husband's brother and his wife of 18 years parted the year before. I'm still in regular contact with both 'other halves'. We had a pub lunch with my sister's husband last summer and I have coffee of lunch with my brother-in-law's wife quite regularly I did explain that I'd be staying in touch and why to both my sister and my husband's brother and neither seemed to mind (well not publicly anyway! )

I took my lead from my Mum (a widow) who took this stance with my aunt when she parted from my uncle (Dad's brother). When my Mum had a big party for her 70th birthday, it was natural to invite my aunt... who isn't actually a blood relative, but has been around for so long that she may as well be! Luckily my uncle was away, so we didn't have any embarrassment potential!

[Bindi]

Thanks Joesmum, for your kind words. I'd never turn my back on her, it's my brother I feel annoyed with, for not trying harder to make her happy, which is probably unfair but I just feel so sorry for her. They've not had an easy life, she wants children so badly but it hasn't happened for them, and now she's probably thinking it will now be too late for her. What a mess My Mum is in bits as she always saw my sister in law as the one who kept my brother afloat, and she probably was

[sky]

thinking of you Bindi, its such a hard time. Try not to take sides. Big hugs xx

[Bindi]

Thanks Kay xxx I'm ok, it's them and my Mum I'm gutted for

[JoesMum]

My husband's Mum coped very badly with her son's break-up. It was like the world had ended. She's pleased that Karen and I are still in touch regularly, but despite my encouragement can't bring herself to do more than send a Christmas card She was angry with her son, blaming in, but seems to be handling that better now and his new partner.

Try not to be angry with your brother. We cannot know exactly what went on in their house. While you probably have good reason to feel it's mostly his fault, you'll never know for certain (brothers aren't great at explaining things like that from their point of view! )

Try to stay the impartial listener... it'll be best for both of them

[Bindi]

I know, I will try, nobody knows how the complexities of a person's marriage works do they? *Big sigh*

[emma_mcraf]

That's sad news to start off the new year. I hope that good relationships can be maintained between everyone.

[ibizathetort]

Sorry to hear that Binds, relationships are so hard

[Bindi]

Thanks Emma, thanks Chris, I agree, relationships are bloody hard sometimes. The older generation always say you have to work at a marriage but I don't think many of us realise just how hard