[emma_mcraf]

Originally Posted by Gordon

Thanks Emma I knew I could rely on you due to knowing your husband's line of work.
I think you have answered my questions at the moment the only thing I'm not sure I want to to is have a wake later down the line and drag all the emotions up again as with all I had going on I'm over emotional

I think a celebration of life can be something very uplifting. Often it can be at a time when people aren’t in such a deep sense of grief and are beginning to remember the better times, rather than the loss and the illness or accident, etc., they were taken by.
Do you remember Wendy who used to be on the forum? We’re still in touch and she lost her dad to dementia. They managed to organise the most fantastic send off for him which was really personal and honoured his time in the merchant navy. He had dementia also and so they did up a table of nice memories - his old merchant navy book, forget-me-nots, which I think she said was the flower for dementia, photos, little things that made people laugh, etc.
They saw family that hadn’t got together in years, had other family from abroad join them via FaceTime and actually found they had plenty of good memories and funny stories to share. The photo she sent me of them all was lovely and they were laughing and celebrating the life he had led.

You’re bound to be emotional now because you’ve had such a time of it and of course there are so many levels of grief to go through - sadness, guilt, anger, etc.
But maybe going through old photos and making notes of happy childhood memories and things that have happened throughout the years will be cathartic and help to accept his loss. It doesn’t have to be formal at all. Whatever you think he would have liked.
I think these memorials bring a mix of emotions but only tinged with a degree of sadness knowing that he’s reunited with his loved ones (depending on your beliefs) and I think they’re often preferable to a funeral where people feel they ought to be sombre.
But I’m sure it’s a decision your family will make together. Depending on when you’re planning to do it, it’s possible you can have a small funeral now if that’s what you’d prefer. You can take your time deciding what to do with his ashes. Perhaps he knew where he wanted them, but they can be interred, scattered somewhere special or even made into so many things. There are still many people who keep them at home.
It’s whatever works best for you.

I think the options will be greatly limited in a few short weeks, possibly even to the point where worst case scenario would be no option of funerals at all but mass cremations. Most cemeteries have limited space now.

I am sure you’ll find the right thing to do for you all and something that your dad would have liked.
Be gentle with yourself. Feel free to email if you want to know anything else. xxx