Advice re social services
 

Could anyone tell me if social services can help my dad. My parents live together but not as a couple. They do everything separately, their own shopping cooking and washing etc. They even have their own end of the living room with their own TVs, and separate bedrooms.
The problem is, my dad, he is 78 and is not looking after himself. He isn't washing (he stunk when we visited on Christmas eve) he has lost so much weight that I fear for his health and he is as deaf as a post but hasn't sought any help. I spoke to my mum about it and she said all he eats is oven chips and things like chicken nuggets, he never eats veg and only one meal a day. My mums thoughts are, it's his own fault if he doesn't eat properly. I told my dad he has to eat more but he says "as long as I can still run up the stairs, there's not much wrong with me" He has spoken to his GP about his weight loss but he just put him on thyroid tablets without asking about his diet etc.
If I contacted social services, is there anything they will do to help him, especially as my mum is still living there, she is 71 by the way.
I am so worried about him and as we live so far away from them I can't do very much to help on a practical level. I think if he gets ill he wont be able to fight in the condition he's in right now.

I'm sure social services should beable to do something for your dad even if your mum is living in the house with him. Even if its meals on wheels or a bit of home help like washing etc.
It would be worth calling them and explaining the situation. Good luck x

I agree you need to chat to social services and if possible go along with hiom to the doctor a different one if possible than before and get a full check up for him.
Hope he gets better soon.

Going by the vibes I am getting from your post I would say social services wouldn't get involved. It's not that he is unable to look after himself or that he is unable to make his own decisions.

I would be more concerned that your parents are living in a house like this to be honest, can't be good for your mum or dad.

They are not even that old and maybe he is doing it just to annoy her. Perhaps getting them to go their separate ways would be a step in the right direction?

I really don't know what I would do in this situation to be honest, but I think social services could advise but couldn't perhaps wouldn't actually intervene.

Give them a call and see what they say, if anything you might get a bit of support too.

Can't be easy watching them live like this and not knowing what to do for the best.

Keep us posted xxx

That's what I thought. It's not that my dad isn't capable, he just doesn't bother. I am wondering if he is suffering with depression.
They both want out but I don't think they know how to do it. They live in a council house. My mum is always saying she wishes he would leave. How would my dad go about getting a place of his own? He has asked my sister if he can move in with her but she doesn't want him. I can't have him as we are full to the rafters with adult kids who have come home.

You would need to get in contact with the council who houses them and explain the situation. They would prob send someone round to access the situation and to see for themselves that they are living seperate lives. x

hi in response to your post you could contact social services as an advocate for your dad re safeguarding and his personal safety, it shouldnt matter that your parents are living in the same house but seperately. Can I ask is your dad managing to cook, wash, dress himself? there are what we called activities of daily living (ADLS) does he have any other underlying health problems with his breathing etc? I ask from a nursing point of view I deal with this everyday... you say your dad is on thyroxine how underactive is his thyroid? Has the doctor done any bloods? and weight wise how much would you say he has lost and in how long? sorry for all the questions just trying to get a bigger picture. Would you be happy to contact your fathers GP? scary I know but could it be a possibility that your dad hasnt painted a clear enough picture? PM me if you want to discuss I'll do a bit of research too I have friends in SS that I might be able to get some advice from obviously it may differ slightly from county to county but at least you ll have an idea xx

just read you latest response they definately should be able to get alternative accomodation contact your local council. And if its a case of he cant be bothered then socail services wouldnt get involved unless it was due to depression and he is self neglecting

My dad used to be such a proud, strong man, he was a merchant sea man so was very disciplined. But all he does now is sit in a corner of the room with headphones on watching TV. He goes in to the local town once a week to buy food for himself and that's it.

It's hard to say how much weight he has lost and how quickly. He still wears the same clothes as before but they hang off him. He smelt so bad of BO that when we walked into the room it hit us. My mum told me he never cleans his false teeth, just puts them into the same water every night and the water stinks.

He fell out of bed recently and bruised his shoulder quite badly but never saw a doctor. One time when we were visiting he tripped up the stairs and tore the skin on the back of his hand and didn't even notice until I saw it.

But apart from that he isn't in bad health. He takes statins for cholesterol and as I said he is on pills for his thyroid. I know he sees his GP regularly for blood tests but I don't know the details.

The other problem I have is I don't want to take sides in the situation. I have a good relationship with both and I can't see how either of them are to blame, they have just grown apart over the years. If I start helping my dad, my mum will think I am on his side. To be honest I don't know how my mum will cope on her own, she has been with dad since she was 17.