1 liners :D
 

What is faster Hot or cold?
Hot, cause you can catch a cold

What happened to the goldfish who was bankrupt?
It become a bronzefish

Two fishes A and B were in a tank, what did A say to B?
How do you drive this thing

How do you wake up Lady gaga?
You Poke(her) face

Why did the bee get married?
Because he found his honey.

What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?
A stick

Why did the student eat his homework?
Cause the teacher said it was a piece of cake

Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long?
Cause it would then be a foot

Did you know that Michael Jordan can jump higher than my house?
Yea, my house can’t jump

If a quiz makes you quizzical, what does a test make you?
Testical

What did Beethoven and Mozart turn into when they died?
De-composers

What is a chicken’s favourite composer?
Bach (The sound)

What do you feed an invisible cat?
Evaporated milk

What do you do when you swallow your pen?
Use a pencil?

What do you call a dear with no eyes?
No idea (no eye dear)

Why is 6 afraid of 7?
Cause 7 ate 9

Which letter of the alphabet is dead?
R, cause P ‘killed’ R

Why don’t oysters give to charity?
Cause they’re shellfish

Why did the math book look so sad?
Cause he had a lot of problems

What’s red but smells like blue paint?
Red paint

Why does it take forever for a pirate to learn the alphabet?
Cause he spent a long time at C (sea)

Why did the man driving the train get struck by lightning?
Cause he was a good conductor

Why did the tomato blush?
Cause it saw the salad dressing

What do you call a monkey in a minefield?
A baboon (baboom!)

What days are the strongest in the week?
Saturdays and Sundays, cause the rest are weekdays.

Why did the bike fall over?
Cause it was too tired (two tired)

When does it rain money?
When there’s a change in the weather?

What did the plate say to the other plate?
Lunch is on me

Why did you bury the battery?
Cause it was dead

What is the longest word?
Post Office, cause it had a lot of letters.

Why is a stadium hot after a football match?
Cause all the fans left

One day Superman and Batman decided to have a race, who won the race?
Superman, cause when Batman begins, Superman returns

My dad used to be a roofer so I am decidicating the following to him, so dad if your up there......

I had an argument next to a mirror, I was beside myself with anger

I also got madame tussuads to make a model of me, kept it in the house for a week and we started having rows. the model moved out, couldnt live with myself

Lol, I will copy these and send to my boys!

Very funny, brilliant!!!